


Control

by WhyMrSpook



Series: That was called falling. [3]
Category: X-Men - All Media Types
Genre: Charles Xavier has a Ph.D in Adorable, Control Issues, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Erik Has Feelings, Gay Mutant Road Trip, M/M, No Smut, Poor Charles, Protective Erik, this time
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-17
Updated: 2016-10-17
Packaged: 2018-08-22 23:30:21
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,409
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8305429
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WhyMrSpook/pseuds/WhyMrSpook
Summary: No-one understood. Raven had done, once. She’d been around to watch his struggle. But now they were adults and she assumed he had his mutation under control- she got angry at him at even the idea of him hearing her thoughts. Erik had recoiled from him when he’d learned the extent of his power, asking him to stay out of his head explicitly.
It hurt.





	

Charles had learned self-restraint as soon as he could when his powers came him. It had nearly broken him to hear all those voices in his head- all the thoughts and feelings and barely concealed screams for someone to be listening- to help them. In fact, it had broken him. He’d come out the other side knowing too much for someone so young and being far too afraid of his own power. Control had developed with time. He’d become comfortable with his powers just months before leaving for Oxford. For years he’d been secluded and safe in the mansion with Raven. He’d learned how to stay out of his sister’s mind unless invited and practised reaching out to nearby houses. But a University had seemed daunting- that many people all bombarding his shields. It had really been a close call.

No-one knew how much his self-control had been tested since starting to work with the CIA. There was cerebro. It was a high like no other. Being connected to so many minds, spanning such a far distance. Erik berated him for using it- berated Hank for letting him. Erik thought it was dangerous, watched him through narrow eyes as if just waiting for him to collapse. Sometimes he thought he might. As wonderful as it was- as incomparably fascinating- it did still hurt. He had to be so careful- to not use it too often, to not let the sensations overwhelm him. Every time he used it he felt drained for days afterwards – not because of the machine, like Erik thought – but because of the restrains he placed on himself.

No-one understood. Raven had done, once. She’d been around to watch his struggle. But now they were adults and she assumed he had his mutation under control- she got angry at him at even the idea of him hearing her thoughts. Erik had recoiled from him when he’d learned the extent of his power, asking him to stay out of his head explicitly.

It hurt.

Being inside Erik’s beautiful mind and then being strictly forbidden was a positively wicked thing. He felt more drawn to Erik’s mind than anyone else he’d ever encountered. The human race was fascinating, he knew that both personally and objectively, and yet sometimes he found them all so dull. All their petty little minds so concerned with petty little things. He didn’t like it when he had that attitude. He hated the idea that he even considered himself above them- he didn’t! But Erik made him feel like that. Erik, whose mind was so interesting. So dark and beaten, but not broken. There was so much good in him too, and it took everything Charles had to not go looking.

What infuriated him most was how easy Erik thought Charles seemed to have it. Erik thought Charles was a privileged, naïve academic. Even after their discussions, he still seemed to think Charles' invisible power was such a blessing to him. Erik thought he had it worse. He hated Charles for being so addictive- something Charles’ had been flummoxed to find out. It was the other way round; Erik was always so compelling to him. Erik hated how much he enjoyed Charles’ company- hated that he liked him.

Erik didn’t know anything about addiction. Liking Charles was nothing compared to wanting to share everything with him. He told Erik as much as he drove them through miles of nothingness, hurtling towards their latest potential recruit.

“You don’t want me, Charles. You want to fix me.”

“You say that like it’s a bad thing, Erik.” He murmured, looking from the rising sun to the man beside him. Erik’s gaze was directed towards the road, his profile angular and harsh. The light cast on him just right and Charles thought, if he could, he’d pause this moment. Repeat these few seconds for eternity, with the yellow morning light and the empty roads disappearing rapidly behind them. Alas, he didn’t have that particular power.

He sighed heavily. “I can’t fix you, anyway. You and I are both masters of control, aren’t we Erik? I’ll never go inside that mind of yours and you’ll never let go of your rage. They’re both things we think we probably should do, but we never will.”

“How poetic.” Erik’s sardonic tone wasn’t off-putting. It was just Erik.

“Don’t you just wish you could let go? Just for once? I’ve been in control since I was a child. I know it doesn’t look like it, but I have. Even when I’m drunk- even when I’m asleep- I never let go.” Erik spared him a glance. “You understand, don’t you?

“Charles, you’re being ridiculous. Did you have breakfast?”

“For fucks sake, Erik, I asked you a question.” He was so tired of being in control. How could he be in control when Erik was sat there, so stoic, acting like it wasn’t impacting him so strongly.

“Our powers rely on being in control, Charles.”

“Fuck our powers! You know what I mean, Erik, I know you do.”

“What do you want me to do, Charles? Pull over and give you a quick morning fuck just to shut you up?”

“No, you have more restraint than that don’t you?” He snarled, folding his arms and dragging his gaze away from Erik. He wasn’t sure why he was so incredibly angry, but he knew it was unfair to direct his anger at Erik. Erik had enough problems without Charles adding to that list.

In a perfect world, he’d wake up to a room bathed in light- all fresh and bright. His limbs would be tangled in Erik’s and his mind would be just as warm and safe against Erik’s too- nestled up in a corner somewhere calm. There would be no world changing responsibilities or prejudice. Erik’s driving force in life wouldn’t be rage and they’d be okay. Things would be okay.

“You’re projecting, Charles.” Erik said quietly.

Charles let out a sharp burst of laughter, wrapping his hands around his head. He wasn’t even controlling his mutation properly. He had no control today and he didn’t know why. Maybe all the travelling had drained him? He might have picked up on someone’s nightmares instead of sleeping easily. He needed something to ground him.

The car pulled over slowly, not that there was anyone else on the road to see. Charles turned to Erik, moderately confused. “I’ve shut up already, Erik. You don’t need to make me.”

“I wasn’t planning on fucking you Charles, but your ego astounds me once again.” Erik’s eyes were like nothing he’d ever seen- brighter and colder, somehow, than seemed natural of eyes. He maintained eye contact for just a moment before getting out the car.

_Get in the back, Charles._

He got out the car quickly, following Erik into the back seats. Erik had stretched out already with an arm raised. Charles climbed in, beside him, resting his head on the other man’s chest like it belonged there. Erik seemed to agree, his arm snaking around Charles’ shoulders and holding him there tightly.

_We do want the same things, Charles. You’re getting too preoccupied with the specifics rather than the ultimate goal._

It was blissful to hear Erik in his head, projecting so perfectly he might have been doing it all his life. He seemed to broadcast at just the right volume on just the right frequency. Were he not a man of science, Charles would have said they were meant for each other. But he was a man of science and logic. The specifics were the very thing that made Erik and him so unfathomably incompatible. 

_You want Shaw dead._ He pointed out, miserably.

_You want to help the CIA and prove your worth. If I kill Shaw, we all win._

_It won’t help. It won’t stop the anger._

“I never said it would.” Erik sounded infuriatingly calm about this. “And it won’t stop us being illegal. It won’t make the CIA trust us. It won’t mean we can stop being in control. It still needs to be done and I need you to do it. Isn’t that what you told me? I need friends.” Erik pressed a kiss to his temple. “So you need to go back to being your usual arrogant, optimistic self.”

Charles twisted his head awkwardly to look at Erik. “And then you’ll fuck me?”

Erik’s laughter was divine. “Sure, Charles. Then I’ll fuck you.”


End file.
